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Bancuri, cu de toate
eretik
post Jan 24 2010, 10:41 PM
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Aci bagam bancuri (cenzurati prostiile)

Incepe "je":

Cabinetul unui psihiatru. Se deschide usa si intra un barbat, in patru labe cu ceva in gura.
Psihiatrul : -Vai! Cine a venit la noi? O pisicuta?
Barbatul se taraie pana in coltul cabinetului. Doctorul il urmareste.
- Un catelus?
Barbatul trece cu mana pe langa perete si se taraie in celalalt colt.
Doctorul nu renunta – Ah! Cred ca e un arici! Nu? O broasca testoasa?
Barbatul scoate un cablu din gura si zice :
- Auziti? Ma lasati si pe mine sa va trag internetul sau nu?!
laugh1.gif


--------------------
"...But you won't listen to reason. It's like playing Chess with a pigeon; no matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it's victorious."
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icsicsics
post Jan 27 2010, 05:04 PM
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O femeie vine la doctor...
- Ce s-a intamplat?
- Nu stiu ce sa ma mai fac. De fiecare data cand sotul meu vine acasa baut, ma bate de ma rupe.
- Am un leac foarte bun pentru asta. Cand sotul tau vine acasa baut, tu imediat iei o cana de ceai de musetel si faci gargara si tot faci gargara.
Doua saptamani mai tarziu, femeia, aratand proaspata si renascuta, se intoarce la consult.
- A fost o idee stralucita. De fiecare data cand sotul meu venea acasa baut, eu faceam doar gargara cu ceai de musetel, si el nici macar o data nu m-a atins.
- Vezi daca-ti tii gura?


--------------------
"monstrul ratiunii naste somn".
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eretik
post Jan 27 2010, 05:24 PM
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lol.gif


--------------------
"...But you won't listen to reason. It's like playing Chess with a pigeon; no matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it's victorious."
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study_nature
post Jan 27 2010, 05:58 PM
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Un barbat la librarie: As dori cartea cu titlul “Superioritatea barbatului fata de femeie”. Vanzatoarea: Utopie si SF-uri la etajul intai.


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"Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear."

-- Thomas Jefferson, letter to his nephew Peter Carr, from Paris, August 10, 1787; Merrill D. Peterson, ed., Thomas Jefferson: Writings, New York: Library of America, 1994, pp. 900-906.
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myosotis
post Jan 27 2010, 06:00 PM
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QUOTE (study_nature @ Jan 27 2010, 05:58 PM) *
Un barbat la librarie: As dori cartea cu titlul “Superioritatea barbatului fata de femeie”. Vanzatoarea: Utopie si SF-uri la etajul intai.


study_nature, in primul rand laugh.gif

apoi, ne-am hotarat sa dam o dedicatie muzicala celui ce va scrie postarea 2000. esti fericitul castigator! smile.gif dedicatia va aparea intr-un minut la Muzica.

Ne bucuram ca esti cu noi!


--------------------
"Myosotis... is the most beautiful for being small and unpretending; even flowers must be modest." Henry David Thoreau
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santaklaus
post Jan 27 2010, 06:47 PM
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A Blonde's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!

March
Got really excited... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.
Box said '2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!

May
Tried to make Kool Aid... Wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June
Tried to go water skiing...
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition...
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm...
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it?

October
Hate M & M's...
They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!

P.S. In limba romana nu are acelasi farmec . . .
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myosotis
post Jan 27 2010, 06:52 PM
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laugh1.gif

March and november are my personal favorites smile.gif


--------------------
"Myosotis... is the most beautiful for being small and unpretending; even flowers must be modest." Henry David Thoreau
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eretik
post Jan 27 2010, 06:53 PM
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Tare, santa!


--------------------
"...But you won't listen to reason. It's like playing Chess with a pigeon; no matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it's victorious."
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study_nature
post Jan 27 2010, 07:48 PM
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QUOTE (myosotis @ Jan 27 2010, 08:00 PM) *
apoi, ne-am hotarat sa dam o dedicatie muzicala celui ce va scrie postarea 2000. esti fericitul castigator! smile.gif dedicatia va aparea intr-un minut la Muzica.



Multumesc! Nici nu mi-am dat seama pana acum ce inspirat am fost sa postez bancul acesta!
Sarbatoresc mai jos grafic pentru ca sa fie evidenta recunostinta mea pentru premiu:
biggrin.gif coolspeak.gif band.gif

PS: In mai putin de o saptamana numarul total de postari de pe forum s-a dublat, nu-i asa? Congrats! first.gif


--------------------
"Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear."

-- Thomas Jefferson, letter to his nephew Peter Carr, from Paris, August 10, 1787; Merrill D. Peterson, ed., Thomas Jefferson: Writings, New York: Library of America, 1994, pp. 900-906.
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Bushman
post Jan 27 2010, 08:02 PM
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O mama isi dojeneste fiul:
-Aha!, deci in Spania nu vrei sa te duci, in Italia nu vrei sa te duci, fotbal nu stii sa joci, manele nu vrei sa canti...... ......Bina ma, atunci da la facultate.....sa ajungem de rasul blocului!!!!....


--------------------
Ad augusta per angusta.
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icsicsics
post Jan 28 2010, 08:16 AM
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smile.gif

Perfect autentic!

Manager de 37 de ani, către fiul ei de 14, elev intr-a saptea: „Pune mâna şi învaţă! Cu note mici n-ai cum să emigrezi din ţara asta!”



--------------------
"monstrul ratiunii naste somn".
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Blinker
post Feb 9 2010, 12:30 PM
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Ion si Gheorghe:
- De ce esti suparat Ioane?
- A murit aseara un bou.
- Lasa Ioane, nu fi trist. Asa e viata asta. Cu totii ne ducem incetisor-incetisor...


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What would Richard do? lfgcomic.com
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polihronu
post Feb 9 2010, 02:43 PM
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laugh.gif Daca si boii se duc...


--------------------
"Omul care spune adevarul din cinism este un mincinos" - Bonhoeffer
"Onestitatea intelectuala este o conditie necesara a fericirii" - Paine
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spartan
post Feb 12 2010, 05:08 PM
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Intr-o scoala catolica, un baietas adventist le povesteste colegilor cum catelusa sa i-a fatat trei pui. Dirigintele, ca sa glumeasca pe seama lui il intreaba: Ce religie au catelusii tai?
-Catolici, domnule, raspunse elevul!
Uimit, profesorul il felicita si retinu raspunsul in mintea sa.
Peste trei saptamani, un inalt episcop catolic face o vizita in scoala. Dirigintele, care isi aminti de raspunsul elevului adventist si dornic sa impresioneze, il intreba in fata acestuia despre apartenenta religioasa a catelusilor.
Sunt adventisti, veni raspunsul!!
Dupa ce pleca episcopul, dirigeintele, foc de suparare il intreaba cu dispret:
-Mincinosule, si adventistii mint? Ce mi-ai spus tu acum trei saptamani??
Nu mint, domnule! Acum le-au dat ochii!!


--------------------
www.adventomania.ro
Mintea mea nu va fi niciodată un coş de gunoi !
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mr.grig
post Feb 27 2010, 07:20 PM
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La biserica, preotul se intalneste cu un tanar enorias:
- Ce te aduce la biserica, Ioane?
- Iaca, am venit sa ma spovedesc.
- Nu-i nevoie, ti-am citit blogul...
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icsicsics
post Mar 13 2010, 11:44 AM
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anecdota auzita azi, in pauza "dintre" neprihanire si experienta comandantului uneia dintre fortele de interventie de dupa Чорнобиль, 26/04/1986... wink.gif

cica mor cei doi membri ai unui cuplu de varstinci si ajung in rai. raiul, mai ceva ca-n peisajele idilice ale martorilor lui iehova...

la care barbatu' se-ntoarce catre femeie si-i zice: "vezi femeie? puteam sa ajungem aici inca de acu' multi ani! da' tu, nu si nu, sa pastram reforma sanitara si sa mancam sanatos..."


--------------------
"monstrul ratiunii naste somn".
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study_nature
post Mar 13 2010, 03:09 PM
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Acum am vazut ultimul banc de la mr.grig o data cu cel de azi de la 3*ics (pornind de la aceasta forma a pseudonimului tau, pe care ai acceptat-o fara contestatii, am putea sa te alintam chiar 'tricks', ar fi nostim, oricum icsicsics suna prea 'adult').
Raspuns la ambele bancuri: biggrin.gif smile.gif


--------------------
"Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear."

-- Thomas Jefferson, letter to his nephew Peter Carr, from Paris, August 10, 1787; Merrill D. Peterson, ed., Thomas Jefferson: Writings, New York: Library of America, 1994, pp. 900-906.
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icsicsics
post Mar 13 2010, 03:45 PM
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QUOTE (study_nature @ Mar 13 2010, 05:09 PM) *
am putea sa te alintam chiar 'tricks', ar fi nostim, oricum icsicsics suna prea 'adult').


triX or treat? sounds perfect! wink.gif


--------------------
"monstrul ratiunii naste somn".
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kla
post Mar 14 2010, 07:41 AM
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Nu e chiar banc dar... (sursa: http://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/angelpin.htm)

Angels on a Pin
A Modern Parable
by Alexander Callandra
Saturday Review, Dec 21, 1968.

Some time ago I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed he should receive a perfect score and would if the system were not set up against the student: The instructor and the student agreed to submit this to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.

I went to my colleague's office and read the examination question: "Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer."

The student had answered: "Take a barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower the barometer to the street and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building."

I pointed out that the student really had a strong case for full credit since he had answered the question completely and correctly. On the other hand, if full credit was given, it could well contribute to a high grade for the student in his physics course. A high grade is supposed to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this. I suggested that the student have another try at answering the question I was not surprised that my colleague agreed, but I was surprised that the student did.

I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics. At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give up, but he said no. He had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one. I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go on. In the next minute he dashed off his answer which read:

"Take the barometer to the top of the building and lean over the edge of the roof. Drop that barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then using the formula S = ˝at˛, calculate the height of the building.

At this point I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded, and I gave the student almost full credit.

In leaving my colleague's office, I recalled that the student had said he had many other answers to the problem, so I asked him what they were. "Oh yes," said the student. "There are a great many ways of getting the height of a tall building with a barometer. For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height of the barometer and the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building and by the use of a simple proportion, determine the height of the building."

"Fine," I asked. "And the others?"

"Yes," said the student. "There is a very basic measurement method that you will like. In this method you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units. A very direct method."

"Of course, if you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum, and determine the value of 'g' at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference of the two values of `g' the height of the building can be calculated."

Finally, he concluded, there are many other ways of solving the problem. "Probably the best," he said, "is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent's door. When the superintendent answers, you speak to him as follows: "Mr. Superintendent, here I have a fine barometer. If you tell me the height of this building, I will give you this barometer."

At this point I asked the student if he really did know the conventional answer to this question. He admitted that he did, said that he was fed up with high school and college instructors trying to teach him how to think, using the "scientific method," and to explore the deep inner logic of the subject in a pedantic way, as is often done in the new mathematics, rather than teaching him the structure of the subject. With this in mind, he decided to revive scholasticism as an academic lark to challenge the Sputnik-panicked classrooms of America.
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polihronu
post Mar 14 2010, 09:21 AM
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Amen! smile.gif Apropo de bancuri, poate o sa va amuze intrucitva acest text.


--------------------
"Omul care spune adevarul din cinism este un mincinos" - Bonhoeffer
"Onestitatea intelectuala este o conditie necesara a fericirii" - Paine
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